Life is stressful. Responsibilities keep piling up and sometimes it can feel like you’re drowning. But, when the delivery man arrives at your door and you take that warm bundle and place it lovingly on the table, everything is right in the world. Because food, in all its delicious glory, makes life infinitely better, just like a good friend. Here are 15 signs that food is your true best friend.
1.) You’re always excited to see it.
2.) Sometimes it may disappoint or upset you.
3.) But, you still love it with all your heart.
4.) In fact, you have no idea what you would do without it.
5.) You want your other friends to love your best friend as much as you do and you will constantly introduce the two. It would be so great if you could all hang out!
6.) But, you can be a little territorial when it comes to your best friend.
7.) So, if someone wants to hang out with your best friend without you, you get super upset.
8.) You start to have withdrawals when you haven’t seen each other in a while.
9.) When you’re with your best friend, it’s like nothing else exists.
10.) You never judge each other. If you want to eat that fifth doughnut or finish the whole pint of ice cream in one sitting, you won’t hear any protests from your delicious companion.
11.) You are often silly when you’re together. It’s one of the things you love most about your relationship.
12.) You do restrain yourselves a little more in public, but all bets are off when you’re alone.
13.) You can spend all day together and never get bored.
14.) If someone has a problem with your best friend, they will have to answer to you.
15.) No matter what happens, your best friend knows exactly what to do to make it better.
Best friends support one another and can always put a smile on each other’s face. So, if you’re ever in need of some happiness, head on over to MainLine Munchies and spend some quality time with your best friend. You’ll be glad you did.
Humans share a special bond with food. Some people eat to live, but MainLine Munchies says live to eat. We spend a lot of time eating, so why not enjoy each and every bite? Some people won’t understand your love of food, but these dogs know how you feel.
When you see food, you immediately start drooling and until you get some, you won’t stop thinking about it.
You attend parties for the free food. As soon as you arrive, you scope out the food table. Your friends can find you later. Right now, your only concern is figuring out how to stack copious amounts of food on this tiny plate.
If someone has food and you don’t, you WILL get some.
They really don’t have a choice.
Seriously, nothing will stop you.
It amazes your friends how it can take you forever to go out, but when it comes to food, you are the first one there, fork in hand.
You’re horrified when people ask for some of your food because you just don’t share food. At all. Ever.
Food fell on the floor? You’ll eat it. Five second rule, right?
You have a few weird (yet awesome) food skills that your friends always insist you show off at parties.
You don’t always look your best while devouring your meal…
Sometimes you look absolutely ridiculous. But, you’re enjoying yourself and you don’t have to look at you, so who cares, right?
When you’re eating, you don’t stop until you’re done. No matter what happens.
Losing your food/realizing you have no food can send you into a panic, so you like to have your food close, whether you’re eating or not.
Bottom line is: you love food. Dogs get it, we get it, so that makes us your new best friend, right?
Seriously, though, mealtime is the best time of the day, so order some take-out courtesy of MainLine Munchies and…
You deserve it because you’re awesome.
Have you ever thought of a dad joke? Are you the type to blurt it out right then and there or do you keep it to yourself and store it in the mental vault for later? Whatever your style, you’re not alone. Here are 14 people who have embraced the spirit of dad jokes despite the fact that they aren’t dads (yet).
1.) New twist on an old favorite.
2.) Follow the lead of these wise dad jokers. They can teach you how to tread the tricky waters of puns.
3.) This kid could use some more lessons. You have to be one with the dad.
4.) This kid understands and embraces the comedic gold of dad jokes.
5.) It’s not always enough to possess the ability to spout dad jokes. Rule #1: Make sure your opponent is willing to play.
6.) Sometimes dad moments happen when no one is around to appreciate them. Just let it happen.
7.) Moms like to tell dad jokes too. Maybe because they have spent so many years listening to them…
8.) The true dad joke artist doesn’t prepare jokes ahead of time. He spouts them in response to his situation, like so:
9.) They are also good at taking something serious and transforming it into humor (or at least an attempt at humor).
10.) Do phones have personalities? It seems this one does.
11.) Dad jokes can be shared among friends.
12.) While it’s great to fire off puns, the dad joke connoisseur knows when a perfectly timed joke is better than multiple random ones.
13.) If you have reached this level of awesome, there is nothing left to teach you. Share your wisdom with others, ignore the eye rolls, and find someone who will have these kind of exchanges with you:
Remember: If you have to explain your joke, you’re doing it wrong.
You could have a dad moment too. Here’s some jokes to start you off and get those dad-like creative juices flowing: https://mainlinemunchiesblog.wordpress.com/2013/11/20/brush-up-on-your-dad-humor/.
Now go forth and spread dad jokes to all who will listen.
Are you one of the lucky millennials who has a dad that tells embarrassing/awkward/not funny jokes? Do you usually just roll your eyes or say “Daaaaad” and walk away? While we like your style, we also believe in being prepared, so we’ve gathered dad jokes that will impress even the punniest of dads. Use these the next time you go home and enjoy the reaction you get from your dad. We imagine it to be something like this…
Let’s start off with some Pictorial Dad Jokes. We suggest using these if you’re not ready to enter into a joke battle with your dad (aka he’s a pun king), but you want to share in the fun.
For the classic dad:
For the hip dad (or the dad that thinks he’s hip, but we know better):
For the dad who loves visual puns:
For the dad who loves telling jokes that no one gets without an explanation:
For the practical joker dad who also loves a good pun:
For the witty dad:
Ok, now that you’re warmed up, here are jokes that can help you beat your dad at his own game…
Questionable Dad Jokes
(See what I did there? If you don’t by the end of this section, you’re not ready to take on your dad).
Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?
Because it was a cheetah.
How much does a hipster weigh?
How do you organize a space party?
What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password?
What’s a Freudian slip?
When you say one thing but mean your mother.
Need an ark to save two of every animal?
I Noah guy.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Did you get a haircut?
Actually, I got them all cut!
What concert costs only 45 cents?
50 cent featuring Nickelback.
Why is the pepper the nosiest kind of food?
Because it’s jalapeno business.
Punny Play on Words
(If you need to ask someone why this is a dad joke, please stop before you hurt yourself).
I took the shell off of my racing snail to see if it went any faster. If anything, it just made it more sluggish.
Sometimes I squat on the floor, put my arms around my legs, and lean forward. That’s how I roll.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it! It was a shitzu.
I dreamt about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water….I think he meant well.
If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas.
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
A book just fell on my head.
I’ve only got my-shelf to blame.
Dads are great, especially dads that can’t help making jokes that really aren’t funny. We applaud their effort and you should too. When you’re home on break, surprise your dad by hitting him with some punny dad jokes. He will be so happy and you will have an epic story to tell your friends.
Let us know how your dad joke battle goes! Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org, comment here, write on our Facebook wall, Tweet us (it’s easy to get in touch with us obviously).
And one more for good measure (see what I did? Ok, that’s all).
Eat, drink, and be punny!
Have you ever been caught in an awkward situation and didn’t know how to get away? We’ve all been there. It can be difficult to escape once you’re stuck in an uncomfortable vortex of unpleasantness.
That’s why we devised 5 ways you can use food to get out of any situation.
Escape Route #1:
Shove the closest edible thing in your mouth and feign a coughing fit. We suggest not actually choking, but if you’re that desperate, go for it.
Why this works: The other person won’t be able to get a word in while you’re hacking up a lung and you can escape under the pretense that you need water.
Escape Route #2:
Pretend your stomach just growled and head to the closest eatery for a “snack.” We suggest running there to discourage anyone from following you.
Why this works: If you sprint away, the bringer of awkwardness should get the hint (at least for the moment). Warning: this tactic may not stop the persistent. If the person approaches you later, use another one of our handy strategies. One is bound to work.
Escape Route #3:
If you’re already eating, chew in an obnoxious manner. Leave your mouth open, smack your lips, do whatever it takes until they leave.
Why this works: No one enjoys seeing someone else’s half-chewed food.
Escape Route #4:
Sometimes you have to make an awkward situation even worse to make it go away. Try making strange comments to your food.
Why this works: Isn’t it obvious?
Escape Route #5:
Spill. A drink, food, on yourself, on someone else. Just spill.
Why this works: If someone spilled something on or near you, would you get up? Exactly.
Food is a great escape method, which is another reason why we love it so much. Try these tactics and let us know what happens! If you have other ideas, please share them. We food lovers have to stick together.
United we eat,
Dressing up for Halloween is fun, but do you know what’s even more fun? Dressing up your dog. Check out these dogs who are rocking their costumes. You could learn a few things from their commitment.
1.) There ain’t enough room in this town for the both of us…
There’s a new sheriff in town. He’s taking prisoners and you don’t want to be one of them. Just look at his no-nonsense mustache. He means business.
2.) I’m a greyhound. Uh, I mean giraffe.
Who let this guy out of the zoo? He’s got this giraffe thing down. Look at his tall stature, majestic shadow, and convincing background (that could definitely be the savanna). Nice work.
3.) What a cute little banana
This dog is just about the cutest thing ever. He’s so happy to be a banana and he pulls it off.
4.) Ahhh a skunk! Runnnnn
Oh, wait, it’s just a dog. No need to panic, silly. This guy is channeling his inner skunk (and his inner diva). Work that extended tail!
5.) Look at me! I’m a walrus!
This dog is definitely in character. He’s got the sad endangered species look down and he will exploit your weakness for cuteness, so get those treats ready.
6.) I vant to suck your blood!
Look at those teeth! Grab some garlic and, whatever you do, don’t invite him in!
7.) Arrrr, matey!
Captain Jack Sparrow? Is that you? This dog could be in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He’s got all the makings of a great pirate–the hair, the threatening scowl, and even the booty.
8.) I’m innocent I tell you! Innocent!
I don’t know what his crime was (maybe he ate all the bacon?), but this poor guy is definitely not on the sheriff’s good side.
9.) Just going for a swim…
Fins: check. Oxygen tank: check. Wet suit: check. Mask and snorkel: check, check. This guy has all the markings of a diver. Maybe he will teach you his ways if you ask nicely and offer him a bone.
10.) Me thinks my costume is better than yours.
A war could break out between these two any moment. Get your light saber and choose a side.
11.) Break me off a piece of that…
What a duo. For the sake of Halloween, these two agreed to be bound to each other the whole night. Do you have the same dedication to your costume?
12.) Mooooove over. I’m going to win the costume contest.
Don’t ask this guy to go upstairs. You’ll never get him back down.
(Get it? ‘Cause he’s a cow and cows can only go up, not down, stairs. It’s funny.)
13.) Harry and Hermione–dog edition.
Corgis are cute no what they do, but these two are precious. Just look at their pipe cleaner glasses!
14.) iDog here. Programmed to love cuddling, give wet kisses, and chase squirrels.
There are some kinks that need work (chewing shoes, peeing on the carpet, etc.), but this robot dog is still man’s best friend.
15.) Siri, find the closest dog park.
You only have your dog as your wallpaper? Try using your dog as your phone. Side effects may include a slobbery screen, frequent squirrel chases while trying to text, and inability to sit still, but the cute factor will make up for that.
And….a bonus one because it’s just too cute.
Gumby and Pokey–an unstoppable pair.
Halloween is as fun as you make it, so why not go all out this year? Coordinate with friends or fly solo. Just make sure you rock it!
What do you plan to be this Halloween? Will your pet be sporting a new look? Send a picture of you (or your pet) dressed up to email@example.com. Title the email “Halloween” and you could be featured on our Facebook page!
The leaves are falling from the trees, the air is getting cooler, and that means it’s time for college basketball! To celebrate this occasion, here are 15 of the funniest basketball fails on the internet. Let’s hope the team you’re rooting for doesn’t have anything like this happen.
15.) Bulky necklaces are so last season…
14.) Basketball is only for the well-balanced.
13.) Nothing, but…nothing, just nothing.
12.) This must happen all the time. No sign of concern from the friend.
11.) Basketball is a team sport, which means…never mind. Not important.
Sometimes your teammates are your downfall. He was golden until…
10.) It isn’t a good idea to stand under a basketball net.
9.) Or walk under one for that matter. Ever.
8.) When dunking, make sure the hoop is secure.
7.) Seriously, that wasn’t a joke.
6.) Mixing trampolines and basketball will NOT end well.
Where’s the ball?
This is going to be so cool! Or not…
5.) Not sure what the goal was here…
4.) Basketball hoop, baseball bat, and soccer ball. I think he’s confused.
3.) It’s best not to mix sports.
2.) That face is priceless.
1.) Sometimes the best fail is one that should have gone horribly wrong, but ended up being awesome instead.
I know what I’m doing at my next pool party.
No matter what team you’re rooting for this season, remember to have fun and laugh off the fails. So throw on your bball gear, grab some friends, and enjoy with your favorite munchies.
Sunday=football day. You’ve got your jersey on and remote in hand. The only thing that’s missing is food. So, you go to MainLineMunchies.com and order some delicious sustenance. Now all you have to do is wait.
At last, the doorbell rings…your food is here! Everyone reacts differently to that moment when the wait is over. If you haven’t decided on a “food’s here” gleeful celebration, try these wonderfully delicious exhibitions of joy.
Put a big smile on your face. Your hunger will be gone soon.
Gasp, mouth open, and enjoy the rush of happiness.
Laugh gleefully and pump your arms up and down like you’re playing the drums.
Get on top of the nearest table, throw your hands in the air, and wave them around. Then get down (carefully) and get your food!
Put your fists up and shout triumphantly. Yeah!
Hands up, head back, let out your best evil villain laugh. Mwahahaha (that was mine).
Break out in your best end zone/touchdown dance.
Hop, skip, and jump to the door like a leprechaun.
Or, just wait in front of the door until the food’s here. It’s up to you.
We all love that moment when our food arrives. Order from MainLineMunchies.com, capture your “food’s here!” celebration, and share it with us (firstname.lastname@example.org). You could be featured on our Facebook page!